To Call Out Your Wrongs
by DearSweetPapercut
Summary: "Doubt- it had forced him to think through the reason that they were in their current state."


This is another one of my non-GSR/GSR one-shots...

I know... I know... it'll killing me as much as it's killing you ;)

Set back in San Francisco- just an exploration of what could have happened when Grissom and Sara first met.

Please review- let me know what you think whether you love it or hate it!

Inspired by the song 'Kiss you Goodnight' by Meg and Dia.

Disclaimer: I own zilch.

**To Call Out Your Wrongs **

No one could deny that San Francisco has a way with the summer; the breeze travelled through the streets and the sun shone down as the clear skies rolled past. The light poured through the windows lighting the dust like glitter suspended in air as the warmth stilled the air.

His hand absentmindedly traced an unfamiliar path upon her back as she lay sleeping in his arms, the small rise and falls of her breathing matching every one of his. The sun light danced with her skin like a lover; the brown of her hair burning a bright coppery colour and her pale skin glowing like ranunculus acris.

She looked perfect in her current state; her eyes closed to the world, her body resting without a care. But he couldn't help but feel doubt. It was a consistent shadow that he could not ignore- plaguing the treasured moments he had left with her like a stormy sky. It was something asking him to rethinking all the decisions he had made and all of the things he had ever said.

Doubt- it had forced him to think through the reason that they were in their current state.

The night before had unravelled like childhood stories with predictability and occasional hesitations but there had been one thing he had not been counting on- for her to reciprocate his feelings. He had silently spoken of his heart and her brown eyes had welcomed him with a sense of excitement he had never before experienced.

Her shivering hand had led him inside and without a word in resistance he had followed like each wave that lapped up on the cities coast. He had collapsed into the warmth she had provided him without questioning her reasoning, or his own.

She had looked up to him, placed him on a pedestal and he had taken advantage of that. He should have said no when she'd asked him to stay the night before. He should have walked away. Instead he'd followed her into the house, he'd helped her undress; he'd made love to her as if there was nothing wrong with it.

But there were many things wrong with it. For a start he'd been a position of authority- all rules would dictate that he did not involve himself with her. And then there were the issues of his, own, morals. How could he justify it to himself?

She was one of his students, though clearly intellectually mature beyond her years, she was still significantly his junior, still understanding the games and rules of love. She still had so much life ahead of her; time to have her heart broken. But with one night he had given her a head start because he knew he couldn't stay.

And the end of it all- he'd be walking away- leaving her to continuing being whoever she had been before they had met.

He hoped that the night they had spent together had given her something, provided her with some small sense of courage to continue on without him; to fall full and madly in love with someone other than him- someone better than him.

As she shifted in her sleep rolling on to her side exposing miles of skin to his eyes he realised how much he had wanted it. From the moment they had met eyes across the lecture hall she had captivated him. She had challenged him in his seminars, quirking an eyebrow while asking questions that even the most advanced physicists would have struggled to answer.

Her impish smiles, the dark looks in her eyes and the irresistible curves of her body had him puzzling over his own desires in a way he had never done before. He would think about her in the confines of his office, or at home and wonder how she had managed to get under his skin so well. She was a creature he could never understand- someone he could never have.

But now he'd had her.

It had been his hand she had held leading him, it had been his lips that had trailed kisses on her neck and it had been his skin covering hers as they moved in unison to something tangible. It had been his name that she had called when she'd climaxed. And it had been incredibly, but for some reason it didn't feel like him at all.

As he stared at the ceiling above him he began wondering why he hadn't been present when something other than his mind had taken over his body. He wondered what had happened to the part of them that had known it was wrong to go home with a student.

He attempted to convince himself that there had been no other option- that he had, had to do it. That the alcohol had controlled him, but he knew that was a lie; he'd been thinking about her in this way for far too long for it simply to be an accident. Perhaps that was it. All of those thoughts- all of that tension- had to result in something. He attempted to convince himself that had he not done it he would have gone insane.

But attempting to put to bed one issue had simply raised another- 'it'. That's what he had been referring to their sex as and surely it had been more than just 'it'_._ Her husky whispers, her low growls, the feeling of her lips across her skin- it had been unbelievable. Their love making had stirred feelings within him that he had never before experienced.

They were feelings that he was not yet ready to address- because if he did he would have to admit he had fallen in love with her and no such thing was acceptable. He didn't know how to be in love, he didn't know how to feel the correct way towards her. He imagined the expression of his colleagues as they discussed how he had taken advantage of a young woman, taken her under his wing and seduced her all for his one benefit.

He wondered how her peers would respond to her if they knew what had gone on between them. His instincts suggesting that they would have been no more forgiving than his peers- because what they had done would be seen as wrong were anyone to find out.

So instead he convinced himself that he was not in love with her- that their evening together had simply been a resolution of tension that neither one of them could deny. Longing gazes and intense encounters were bound to lead to something- to sex.

The life they could have was created in his mind like an alternate reality; he imagined the initial love and excitement they would feel being wrapped up in each other's arms. But there appeared to be shadows even in his imagination. She was young, beautiful, full of life- one day she would be bound to meet someone her equal.

She would meet someone who challenged her, and won her over with his own enthusiasms for life, for love- someone that was not him.

And he acknowledged that he could not fall in love with her because losing would surely destroy him. Watching her ravel in the need for someone else would break him down in ways that he had not previously perceived. And it was inevitable- it was honest of him to think that she was too much for him.

What would happen when his age wore on?

Would they be able to make love without stopping to breathe when he realised that he aged beyond his lover in ways that he had always predicated. What would happen when she realised that there was so much more she wanted- when she bore of him?

With that thought he quietly roused himself, being careful not to shift the bed too much. He did not want to wake her. He did not want to look into her dark eyes and confess that he did not know what to do about the mess they had created that- that if he was honest he was not in love with her. That he could not love her.

He dressed himself with similar silence his guilty blue eyes settled on her sleeping form as he did so. He hoped with the whole of his heart that she remained happy in her life; that she moved on. And found someone as youthful, and as bright as her to share the rest of her life with because he could not be that person. As much as he wished, longed, to be the man she came home to- it was never to be him.

Taking one last deep breath he gave her a silent goodbye, his heart heavy in the centre of his chest as he realised that this was it. This was the pinnacle moment where he forced them both to move on.

He walked away.

**The End **


End file.
